just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
