okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
