I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
