this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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