I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
