Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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