He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
