Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
