you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
