imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
