Where is the hickey?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
