I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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