Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
