you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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