Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
