just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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