I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
