is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
