I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
