it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
