I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
