i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
