i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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