im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
