so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
