Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We need a shit load of segways right now
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
