I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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