I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
