I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
