11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
