I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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