I could make wine with my vomit
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
