Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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