New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
