you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
