I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
