Four minutes until I can fart!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
ok first of all what the fuck
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
