I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
