VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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