apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
