I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
