i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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