Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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