Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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