sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
