Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
