More tranny stories later!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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