Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
