Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
