ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
