come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
