I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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