You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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