i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude i'm inner monologue high
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Houston, we have a squirter
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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