you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize