woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i think my cat just said my name.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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