Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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