I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
