Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
