Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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