She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
