Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
