My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
