i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
