The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
