we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
