You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
