the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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