Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
