There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
