You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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