youre lurking in front of me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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