Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
