beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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