is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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